Last Day of 2009

I've learned that holding on to something insignificant is a waste.
It's impossible to find worth in garbage.
Who puts hope in something that has no future?
I've heard that people who have nothing put on a mask of something they don't have and will never obtain.
So 2009 be gone!
2010 will be looked upon with opened eyes to look for things that are real.

my scary dream

It started off with being dropped off at some campsite. At this campsite it was just a group of familiar faces. People that I have met in my life. And then something went wrong. Apparently the way out of this camp was by trains and the passageway out was completely blocked off. It was sealed by this wall which couldnt be broken. People started panicking and went on trains anyways. News of the first train that attempted to try and get out was that nobody made it. It was a matter of time until things started to go into mass chaos. I decided to go on a train with no particular reason why. With familiar faces on the train we decided to figure out ways to brace the impact. But none of the ideas that were brought up were very smart ideas. Me and the people I knew decided to just get off the train. We thought that everyone was going to get off the train with us but as we got off some of the people stayed inside refusing to go out. The train continued to go off towards the direction for destruction. This is when things started to get pretty freaky. I was at this platform station where the trains would pass by as it entered into the tunnel where it basically meant that the train was nearing the end of its journey. People I knew were on some trains and refused to get off while I was just standing at the station looking as the trains were passing by. Me and a friend decided to go and hop onto one of the trains at the last stop. So we went through the tunnel and met with a large amount of people gathered at the last stop. This whole place was full of familiar faces and people that I knew. They were basically all waiting to get on the train. I was very confused why people would do this instead of waiting to be rescued. The environment was so scary. There were echoes going around this whole tunnel. The atmosphere was very dark. It was a feeling of death that was just waiting for us all. As the sound of the train to take us all approached. I started getting very afraid. I was wondering if I should go back. Back into the sunlight so I can see another day. I was thinking about family and what they would think about this decision. They wouldn't even know what happened here. And as I was getting ready to get up and leave. Bam. I woke up. It was one of those dreams I wanted to get out of. But couldn't find the difference between reality and my dream world. But I seriously got up from my bed breathing really hard. Wow. What a great way to start winter break eh?

Something to be thankful for 2nd Edition

You may be wondering why the title is 2nd edition. It's because I was looking through my blog the other day and saw that about one year ago around this time after thanksgiving break I wrote a blog about my thanksgiving break happenings.

One year ago I was like that and one year later I am like this. It's kinda funny reading back my old stuff because of how I wrote it.

Thank you for family.
Thank you for brotherhood and sisterhood.
Thank you for maturing me.
Thank you for who You are.
Thank you God for everything.

Freedom

What is the meaning of freedom?

I'm pretty sure almost everyone in America has a slight idea of what that means.

It is represented by July 4th. Freedom is related to independence. Kids think freedom means they can do whatever they want. And the list goes on.

Let me describe what freedom means to me after coming back from a retreat with my fellowship this weekend.

Freedom means letting go.

Freedom means living in obedience.

Freedom means not living by the flesh.

Freedom is shouting and proclaiming the glory of God.

Freedom is found through Jesus Christ.

Freedom reigns.

The Second of November

How is it November already? Last year I would be counting down the days until Thanksgiving Break to go home. To tell you the truth last school year the majority of my motivation was counting down towards certain things and that would be how I got through days. I think it is because I was always expecting something to happen so it was just a countdown till that time.

But now there is not much of counting down. Mainly because I'm not really expecting anything. I feel like when I do, it never happens. But boy is life full of surprises.

However I can say that I certainly am looking forward to the new year :) 59 days left of 2009

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

All I need is you Jesus.

I am sixteen going on seventeen...

Just kidding. I am actually 19 now.

I feel like I was 18 for a long time. Who knew so many things could change in one year?

But I got a feeling...that tonights gonna be a good night

Heck no I don't like that song.

I know that 19 is going to be a good year.

It is going to be unexpected.

But I am excited!

Why?

Trust.

Beginning of First Quarter

Believe it or not but it is already the start of the second week of Fall Quarter.

There is going to be some amazing stuff happening this year and it is only the beginning.

Praise God for brothers and sisters.

Praise God for hope.

None But Jesus

Yesterday as I attended the youth group at my church they sang a song during worship called "None But Jesus" by Hillsong.

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

When singing this song it made some things pop up into my mind.

First I remembered singing this in early August at BAAYF.

Second I remembered Marc telling me that you can't find satisfaction or fulfillment in anyone in this world. The only person is Jesus.

My whole life I believed that in order for me to live happily was to be surrounded by love from others and to be accepted and know that I will always have someone there for me. But people fail. Loved ones leave. Friends say goodbye.
What happens when you have no one else left? You feel lonely. Unloved. Lost. You feel worthless. You start to believe that no one likes you. You think there is something wrong with yourself.

I just want to say that those things do happen in life. It may or may not have happened yet.

This is one of the highlights of my summer. Realizing that I should seek refuge in one that is everlasting, unchanging and faithful to the end. I have to honestly say that is easy to say but hard to follow through. But a part of the verse in the song stood out to me and made me nod my head in agreement.

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Soveriegn still

End of August

The end of August.
I just remember starting August.
A new month means new beginnings.

There Will Be A Day

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to You always

Jeremy Camp - There Will Be A Day

My Hope.

My 1988 Volvo 240 DL

I have a beautiful car at home. It is my 1988 Volvo 240 DL. Many of you have riden in this sweet ride .

Some have even riden in the back seat of my car but to find that none of the seatbelts work! At first when I received this car from my aunt (for free!) there were 2 working seatbelts in the back. As time went on, only 1 seatbelt worked. More time passed and no seatbelts worked.

As the safe driver that I am I always have "safety first" in mind so I don't really allow people to sit in my backseat because there are no seatbelts.

The part of the seatbelt that doesnt work is the latch, not the thing you pull down to attach to the latch. So my dad ordered some latches for my car. They arrived today. I didn't have anything better to do so I decided to install them myself.

I looked online to see if there were any instructions. I searched Google for about 1 good minute and decided to figure it out on myself.

2:30 pm in Cupertino is pretty darn hot.

So the first step was to find out how to reach my seatbelt latches. They were under the back seat. I had to lift up the backseat. It wasn't that easy. There are these little bar latch thing on the bottom of the backseat which attaches to a hook attached to the car. In order to lift the seat up you had to unhook the latch a certain way. Push down and then push forwards and pull up. And there is one on the right and left side. Add on the sunshine. Oh my goodness. It was super hot. This is when I started sweating a little bit. I didn't have a shirt on until I realized that this was going to take a lot longer than I expected and I didn't want to get sunburned so I put on a shirt. I finally was able to lift up the back seat off the hinges and then placed it in my garage. I see the seatbelt latches sticking out now. But it is under the back rest of the backseat. I find out how to take off the seat. This is even harder. I almost faint. There is this descending hook on the right and left side of the car and up that hook is a ring that keeps the back rest in place. You have to push down on the backseat and basically unhinge the ring. This was the hardest part. The right side was a lot easier than the left. For the left side. I was so close everytime but gave up because I was using all the energy that I had. I literally grunting so much. UGH. Like that. Haha. While sweat was pouring out from my head. I don't think I have ever sweat this hard in my life. It was just coming down like rain. Splashing all over my car. Well I finally got the back rest lifted up. Whew. The bolts that locked down the seatbelt latches were very tight and I had to like use my whole body to loosen them up. Tightening up the new latches was fun. I had the thought in mind where it was the safety of my passengers when they sat in my car and put on these seatbelts that I myself have tightened. Their lives were in my hands. Haha. So I tightened them until I almost fell backwards :)

Well now that is over with. I can't help but feel happy about my work. Hard work paid off yeah? I am thinking about the countless times that I can now take a full car of people and go places where EVERYONE is insured safety. I can now take my little sister places.

It was about an hour of hard work which included pain. I sweat bullets and now my arms are sore. I felt like giving up. The job seemed too hard for me to do myself. But somehow I pulled through. I continued doing what I had to do. I guess the driving force that made me keep on going was the joy that installing these seatbelt latches. It meant that I could take 3, 4, or 5 people in my car now. Go somewhere together. Enjoy each other's company.
I believe that when those times I mentioned above happens, I won't even think about the suffering I had to endure when installing those seatbelts (although at the time it seemed forever) because it was only temporary but worth it.

My Little Sister's Surprise

So yesterday night when my little sister was asleep me and my mommy were talking about what to do the next day for my sister. My sister is 8 years old and her elementary school will be starting next week so today is basically her last day of summer.

My mom's idea was to wake up at around 10:30 am and then bring her to go "shopping" while I would go in a seperate car and park in the parking lot a little later than when they arrived.

So at around 11 am in the morning today my sister was told to hurry up as she needed to go shopping with my mom. She had no idea what was going on. She asked me where I was going as I was getting ready to go outside. I said I was going to hang out with someone very special and cute. She kept on asking me to tell her who but I kept on repeating the same thing.

My mom took her to Imahara's and then I parked at Chuck E Cheese. I walked to the store and surprised her. She had no idea what was going on still. I then drove her to AMC 16. She thought I was going to buy some basketball shorts at Macy's. I went up to the AMC ticket booth and said 3 tickets for Ponyo at 11 and that was when she realized.

Ponyo was a very cute movie. It is very different than Spirited Away but not in a bad way. I laughed quite a bit and admired the awesome artwork displayed in the movie.
Ponyo loves Sosuke! :)

After the movie the fun was not over! I drove her back to Chuck E Cheese. She was super excited. We got a large pizza with 4 drinks and 30 tokens for only 19.99! Woot woot.

I could tell she was happy. There was this look on her face that I had never seen. She was speechless and shocked every time she was caught by a new surprise.

Came to My Rescue

Hillsong United - Came to My Rescue

I called.
You answered.
And You came to my rescue and I,
I want to be where You are.


It is not news that there is hurt in everybody's lives.

The real question is.
Who do you turn to?

All of us need to be rescued.

BAAYF 2009

8/2/09 to 8/7/09

First year at this camp. Theme of this year was redemption.

Before camp I had no idea of what to expect. Never been to this camp and also I have never been a counselor either. What does it mean to be a counselor? What are the responsibilities? What makes me qualified? I had no idea how my campers would react to me. Would my campers like me? Would they listen to me? Would problems from my personal life affect me?

The car ride there seemed like it was forever. The questions I listed above circled in my mind.
When I arrived it was a totally new scene. A new campground. New people.
I put on my backpack and carried my luggage. Walking slow and surveying the area I have to admit that I was pretty intimidated. I laid down all my stuff in the luggage area and went to go check in. I received my name tag booklet and my camper list. I looked on the list and spotted a familiar name. Marc Chew. He was my co-counselor and with that I felt a little bit relieved. At least I would be counseling with someone that I knew. And I looked at the name of my campers and saw two familiar names but the other four were completely new kids. I guess our church van came early even though it was 4 o clock and it was recommended that we arrive at 3. I went up to my cabin which was pretty confusing to find at first. I had no idea where anything was. I just walked up a trail and asked one of the staff to direct me towards the area. My cabin was Birdland 18. I heard it was the worst area to live in since other cabins at the campsite were hecka nice. Birdland was reserved for junior high boys and the counselors. I walked up the hill and found my cabin. Hummingbird 18. It was a lot smaller than I expected. I opened the door and the cabin had two doors splitting the cabin into halves. I was wondering if I should choose side A or B. I thought I would be in A since I am an A student (just kidding). I found my lower bunk. The room was a little small and smelled funky but livable conditions. I went down to the registration area and saw my church kids. They kept on telling me to go find my campers. I went back and forth probably twice to see if any of the other campers arrived but they did not. I wore my red name tag which noted that I was a counselor. It was a pretty awesome feeling. It wasn't the feeling of superiority or being in control, it was more of that campers would ask questions where things were and what time were events where I would help them out only if I knew. Haha. I went around exploring the camp. The lounge was the area where there were plenty of comfy couches and mainly people just hanging out and playing card games. I saw familiar faces that went to Monta Vista and plenty of new faces. This was basically my first day. I had no idea what to do. Where to go. When it was dinner time I found out that the lines are super long because of 300 something campers.

This is my second huge camp that I have went to which includes a bunch of other churches around the area. Everyone is in their own little cliques at first when they first arrive at camp. For me at least I found it a little intimidating meeting new people right at the beginning because I was afraid that they would just think I was weird for coming right up to them and saying whatsup. But thank God that my campers who were in my cabin were not scared of me. I had one camper on my side of the cabin who was going to be an 8th grader while the other two were going to be freshmen in high school. One kid really loves TACO BELL and would non stop talk about tacos and relate things somehow to tacos. The other was really quiet and would be the first person to always sleep. The last one was 5' 11 and this is the kid going to only 8th grade! 2 inches shorter than me! Wow. So during lights out I would always be the last person to be in the cabin because I would take a shower for a super long time. I had this one shower all the way on the left which I would always use. I had this routine going on every single night. Shower, brush my teeth, take off my contacts all in that one stall. I could tell that the week was flying by by how fast it felt when I returned to the shower. Do you get what that means? I hope I worded it in a way that it makes sense.

Well the schedule for me basically broke down to this at camp.

Wake up at 7:30
Wash up
Breakfast at 8:00
Morning Worship at 8:45
Devotions at 9:30 (usually I would just lay on my bed and ACCIDENTALLY fall asleep)
Have Marc wake me up IF I fell asleep for Bible Study in the lounge at 10:00
Mandatory Rec at 11:00
Lunch at 12:30
Go to cabin and sleep during seminar! :) Till 1:30
Marc comes to cabin to wake me up for counselor meeting at 2:45
Free time till 6:00
Dinner
Evening Session at 7:00
Small Groups at 9:15ish in the lounge
Shower at 10:30
Lights out at 11:00

Yup here is my schedule with some exceptions here and there.

One awesome thing that I gained from camp is my new love for the youth. Some people know this. I used to work at Kumon. Those little kids that I worked with annoyed the heck out of me and made the job really miserable and I never wanted to work with kids again. I somehow got myself into working with the youth here at this camp. I saw them completely differently than I did at Kumon. I guess it was due to the fact that some of the kids were able to open up and be vulnerable with whatever problems that they were having or just sharing praises. Singing with 300+ people in the room is awesome. The passion that I see in junior high kids and high schoolers. Crazy stuff happens when God moves. It was amazing to see God moving in the youth. I know that when I was young I would always be afraid of moving past my comfort zone because I thought I was young and therefore not opening up. How I would answer questions that Counselors would ask me would be: yes, no, i dont know, good.

The bottom line is. When you pray. Great things happen. Counselors would be always praying in the back during evening session in shifts. Prayer is real and it works. Try it. Nothing fancy. No structure you have to follow. No specific words you have to say. No right or wrong. Just a chat with the Father about whatever is going on in your mind.

I am tired. I am going to take a rest from writing this at the moment. I shall update it and add more later. :)

Retreat

Retreat was from the 15th of July to the 18th. Quite a while back. I was planning on writing about it way earlier because the details were fresh in my mind but I decided that who cares about the details anyways? Lets see what actually stuck to me and has a lasting influence.

The speaker was some dude who actually has his church over here in Cupertino. He shared his life story and it has been a pretty crazy journey for him. Death of two of his children, and other crazy stuff that I don't remember. He also shared how expressing yourselves to God through a poem is a unique and intimate way of talking to God. Just like how King David was able to relate and tell God his sufferings, joys and whatever was going on through poems as seen in the book of Psalms.

So what I thought about this whole poem thing? Well first to be honest I was super tired during the sermons as I would struggle to keep my eyes open. I have been feeling very tired lately even though I have decent hours of sleep. Maybe I have a sickness. Uh Oh. But anyways, I had no idea how to write this poem but I thought I had something on my mind that I could be able to express through poetry. However I tried to avoid this as much as possible.

So there is this annual basketball tournament that we have where it is 3 on 3 basketball. Me and two small wimpy dudes were a team but we won. It was because I was dunking. Haha just kidddddddding. No but seriously we did win the tournament. Afterwards it was basically time to write our poems. I did not want to do this. So I wandered around and remembered that there was a blood drive going on. I went to go check it out to waste a bit of time. Some people there pressured me in giving blood so I signed myself up. At first I was pretty darn scared. I remember Michael Scott passing out and waking up to only find a glove but they do give out free cookies! But I filled up that little blood bag super fast and I found out that I have good veins and awesome hemoglobin levels!

There came the first time to share poems. I did not even start. I thought I could write one during the sharing of the other poems but I was wrong. The other poems were so heartfelt and pretty darn emotional. It was crazy. Then came the next morning. This was when I got scared because I seriously thought that EVERYONE had to share their poem and I had nothing so I had to frantically write one. I started it during my devotion time. I didn't rush in to it because I had no idea what to write about but I calmed myself down and prayed. Although there may be pain and sorrow in life but God fills my life with joy and happiness. I wrote a pretty sadness filled 3/4 of the poem but the rest was to say that there is hope that comes from God. Can you believe it? I wrote the majority of my poem during worship time. Haha. When it came time to share the poems with the whole congregation I was pretty unsure at first. I thought to myself, why would I want to share? Nothing special about it, it is just something from me to God. No one needs to know about it. Well something inside of me told me to share so I did. People who went before and after me had really emotional ones and it was just very emotional in that room with people crying and things like that. I didn't cry though. I also didn't cry when sharing my poem. But what I felt when sharing it was something inside of me that was kind of making me want to cry. But I had to slightly sway side to side and keep on reading. I didn't want to. I felt like I have gone through this for so long that my emotions are just dead from it. When finished I just sat down and I felt free. Free that I was able to share to the congregation about my struggles and burden that they were able to hear it and just the fact of them knowing is already so comforting. We are one big body of Christ and one united fellowship. Hearing other people and seeing their faith and struggles was encouraging and humbling.

If you want to read my poem I would be happy to share it. Just mention it and I can send it to you. I don't want to post it up publicly because well...just ask.

That was then. How about now? Things change. I did not think things would change so fast. Or new things would come into my life which are unexpected. I feel like I am even more super confused now then I was before but thats okay. No matter how hard it is there is a future planned for me. A hope. God I trust in. Better things are planned for me through good intentions not to harm me. I may not see situations as purposeful and neither may others. But have faith.

I thought of a metaphor of being confused.
I am a pokemon and drowsy just confused me. Hahaha. Wow.

But seriously. This world is filled with so many broken people. Some hide it well. Some don't. Some talk it out. Some keep it inside of them. Some cry. Some smile.
A wise friend once told me but I will put it in simpler terms.
For these people who are hurt, are in sorrow, are in pain. Just listen and love them.

My heart goes out for you. Hearing what you say has broken my heart. Sadness fills your eyes as enthusiasm in your voice has gone. What can I say in response? What do I do to cheer you up? I can't think of anything. I breathe deeply and can't even imagine what may be running in your mind. Who can heal the broken? Who can give strength to the weary? Not I. Leave this job to a healer, leave it to the strong. Who on this world fits these? No one. Who cares about the pain that you experience through life? Why do people always seem to let us down? How come those who said they would always be there for us disappoint and abandon us? What do I do now with my life? Where do I look for comfort? WHO LOVES ME?

Fix your eyes upon the cross and marvel at the wondrous love.

Sweetly Broken

I was trying to figure out the name of this song so I could listen to it again. It's called Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle. I first heard it during Sunday service back in Davis and I only knew words here and there in the chorus. I knew sweetly and surrendered. It was impossible to find. But randomly one day as I was about to go to sleep I was wondering about surrender and thought of the phrase wholly surrendered. I wasn't exactly sure what it meant so I searched it on google. And one of the search results was lyrics for this song! :)

At the cross You beckon me
Draw me gently to my knees
And I am lost for words so lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered




Came back from retreat. Perhaps I will write about that

piano man

i am not the piano man. but i do play piano! :)

since summer started i have to this day still nothing to do. so i have been playing piano quite a lot.
i like how i play and want to play when my parents dont tell me to practice.
maybe it is just song choice

i finally took out my webcam that i had packed away in boxes and used it for my laptop to skype the wonder twins in india. after the lame chat. i decided to record myself

river flows in you by yiruma. i have a mp3 version of this that i recorded early in the summer and now this video is proof that i actually did play it






as you can see that is me.
great playing huh? so beautiful and smooth. good pause for page turns and good posture for my hands. i should become a music major

what i thought of which is cool is that whoever may watch this video and see this text should then go and record themselves playing a piece. and then it can be an ongoing cycle and then we can have piano duels. (i'm calling you out katherine hu) that would be exciting

i'm not sure what i am talking about. i'm super tired from this training camp overnighter that i had in san francisco for this youth camp that i will be a counselor in august.

on the way back on 280. i asked marc.
me: "if i made my car drive off the cliff what would you do"
marc: "i would look at you and laugh"

Coincidence? I think not

How people are placed in each individuals lives is a mystery.
How people live in that specific area at that specific time and meet that specific person.
How events occur like they do and results end up like they do.
Look back in your past and see everything that made you where you are today is impossible.
Everything is so perfectly placed together and complex.

Me and a friend talked about this yesterday. Where our friendship started and how it progressed. We both could have never guessed that we would end up talking about what we did at that moment.

Perfect timing.
Reason.
Purpose.

You make all things work together for my good

Laminin

Many of you will look at the title of this post and wonder. "What the heck does that mean?"
Well my friends. This doesnt mean anything. It is a name of something.

Laminin is the name of a protein in the human body which basically holds up the body together.
Here is a picture of Laminin.
Pretty crazy huh?
I was introduced to this by a speaker called Louie Giglio in his sermon titled "How Great Is Our God" in his Passion Talk series DVD that one of my friend lent to me.
I was pretty amazed and stunned. How cool is that? A cross shaped cell in your body that essentially holds everything together.
The speaker related this to how many times in our lives we feel like we have no hope and that God left our side. But here is REAL proof that God is with us all the time. He is in us. We look at ourselves and we can see that God truly holds us together.
Colossians 1:17
¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Dang dude how crazy is that. I was shocked and stunned and going nuts! Whether it be coincidence or whatever you think of it I don't care! THATS SOOO COOL. Dang dude.
But look towards the cross when you think you cant take a step more. He will give you strength so you can keep on going.
All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away...

God Loves You

Finale (Part 1)

Finals. College Finals. High School Finals. NBA Finals. The Stanley Cup Finals. So many finals.
Like in the puppet Lebron James commercial "Why are they called Finals when they are every year? What's so final about that?" Haha

Here we are. June 11th 2009. The end of my freshmen year in college. How weird is it to say that?

I finish all my finals at around 2pm. I want to get out of here and make it on time for Monta Vista graduation. So being smart, I planned ahead and packed up all my stuff and moved it away the day before. So all I have left in my room is a few personal belongings and pillows. I also drink two of those Starbuck Frapps and two Vitamin Waters this day. And I still did not use up all my swipes. I looked at my little swipe counter thing on the machine and made a funny noise like "AGH" and the cashier laughed. Then I get a phone call from a very familiar voice. Help me move my refridgerator. Let me cut this short. I didn't only move the fridge. I moved her life into that dinky Honda CRV. No offense to you CRV drivers! And she has SO much stuff. She has literally 10 pillows. Lamps! Random stuff. Just a lot of junk. And this mattress thing. Dang. I was sweating like crazy when I was moving stuff between the car and the room. Oh. And sometimes I would enter the room ready to go get some more stuff and there she is just standing there looking at her stuff. What does that even mean? Counting her belongings or something. Haha. Anyways it was all good fun and it was a pretty uncomfortable drive down. The entire car was packed full. I had bags and boxes at my feet. At first I had like no breathing room and could not put on my seatbelt. And the driver put pillows on her seat and it looked like she was sitting on a high chair. HAHAHA. We should have took a picture of that. In all good time we were able to make it to the end of graduation even though I had to take a bathroom break because of the copious amount of fluids and the bags that were crushing my bladder.

Taking pictures and all that was really fun. Dang. I never thought finding people and then taking pictures could be so exciting. Especially when they are all starting to leave and you have to catch them. I also somehow lost my voice but that's cool.

This topic brings me to my main topic of this post.
Graduation. High School Graduation.

Today I stand here on the Monta Vista Football Field looking at the bleachers. It says Matadors in gold letters at the back of the bleachers. One year ago on this day I was sitting up there. I was staring out into the crowd. I was wearing that Purple Cap and Gown. I was walking down those aisles. I was receiving that diploma. I was shaking that hand. I was taking those pictures. It has been a year already. Imagine that. Seeing all the SANP decorations and the noise just made me think even more of the past. Dang I miss high school.

I definitely remember this time of year last year. Everything was all happy except for a last minute math problem. Dang. But it is all good. Senior Ball just flew by. I was looking through pictures the other day and apparently they still have those little butter balls this year too! Let us just say that I ate one last year. Haha. But with a little bit of music the night was over. Before I knew it. I'm Off a Boat. Senior Picnic got me a really memorable sunburn. I also remember the night after the Variations concert back at home. The worst night of sleep in my life! Before graduation too. Sunburn. Itching. Hurting. Aloe. More itching. I did not know what to do. Graduation. Crazy stuff. Things just fly by. You know it is like a milestone in your life but that is not how it feels. You just are there at the moment and you live it as it is and then for me at least I look back and it feels like I don't even remember what I was feeling at all.

This makes me wonder. What was I like back then? What did I have back then? I remember there was this one night. Friday. The day after graduation that me and my buddy were driving back home and I started feeling hecka sad. Maybe one or two tears but thats beside the point. I guess all of it just hit me. Thinking about what would happen next. Its so unclear and so scary. I guess I just thought about all those things that I held close and how much I am going to miss that stuff. Dang.

A good friend once told me. "This is just the beginning..." I can honestly say that I did not believe that at first. I thought I was the king of the world. I knew everything. I graduated from High school. I experienced quite a bit of stuff. I am ready for college. I am ready for the real world.
Guess what? Man was I wrong.
I know nothing. I was humbled at college. Bam bam bam bam bam. I was hit with stuff left to right proving to me that I got nothing. I have no experience whatsoever. Indeed it is the beginning. I have still so much to learn. And I am definitely not talking about academics and whatnot. I'm talking about experiences and stuff that you have to go through. New feelings. New surroundings. New whatever. New situations.
I figured out there is no solution manual. No book to read. No answers you can receive. No cheats you can type in. Haha. "Power Overwhelming"
Trust. Faith.
That's how you learn to get through things. Thats what I believe in.
My pride was pretty high after high school. I thought I could solve problems that come my way. Fix little cracks up right away. I dont even know what I am saying anymore.
To any High School seniors who may somehow come across this. Congratulations!
You are now moving on to a the beginning of a new phase. Have an open heart and learn! Don't just focus on school learning but focus on learning of life. I know that sounds so cheesy. But that is just how it is.
This little entry isnt even about the Finale. It is the Finale of my last year. Haha. To be continued. I shall talk about my Finale of my freshmen year in later posts. I have a lot of time this summer to think and reflect. It should be interesting.
UC Davis graduation tomorrow. Congratulations Bro. Wow. College Graduate... what the heck.

Untitled

Here I am writing a blog at about 7:50 am in the morning. 

The reason? I don't know. 

I just was not able to sleep. Not sure why. 

There I was lying in bed and trying to sleep but I do not know if the rest of you guys have this feeling where you know you just can't fall asleep. So instead I just got out of bed. This is at around 6 am. I tried to go to sleep at 4. So when I got out of bed I was hungry. I proceeded to go make rice.

While waiting for my rice to cook I went to go read The Bible. I honestly have not read it by myself in a very long time. But dude life is not going all goody goody and perfect. Not even near that at all. But a good friend of mine is willing to spend late nights and just talk. He also shared with me verses. I must honestly admit that The Bible is so complex yet so simple at the same time. 

The Bible is truth. The Bible encourages. I pray that it will be a habit of mine. Not just some book to turn to when I'm feeling needy or down, but just a source of knowledge that I look towards to daily as spiritual food. 

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" Psalm 119:105

I also pray that God will satisfy my spiritual hunger and thirst. God I'm desperate for you. I'm nothing without you. Although as hard as it may seem to believe that He indeed has a plan for me because He knows best. I am foolish. I don't know anything. What I want is not always right. Let me not long for these temporary worldly things but let me desire what means so much more. Let me strive for those things more precious than gold and silver.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16:26

God, I wish that you will lead me. Let me not compare my life with other people. God I pray that you will lead the way. Let the end of the finish line be you. You are my ultimate goal. Help me find a way to achieve that precious relationship you allow us to obtain.

God, as hard as life seems do not let me grow weary. I know you are there when we are at our lowest points. Although hard to believe sometimes and sometimes getting the feeling that You aren't even there, give me faith and give me trust. Your love never fails. God through the hard times you are teaching me something. Let this struggle that I am going through right now be meaningful and bless not only me but the other people around me. And when you heal my heart let me be a living testimony of your glory. 

Like you say in Romans 5:3-4 that our sufferings produce perseverance and with that comes character and with character comes hope. God give me hope. Hope in you Lord. Not the world. Let me look beyond worldly things and look on towards you. It is so difficult. No lie.

God let me persevere. Give me hope. I will wait. Just wait. God has His ultimate plan.

John Waller - While I'm Waiting

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

Let me not revolve my life around such. Instead let me revolve my life around you God. God you know my true heart's desires. You don't want good in my life. You want GREAT in my life. Don't let me settle. Give me patience. 

A friend once told me this analogy.

For everything that we desire there is a seed. God knows our heart's desires. God plants that seed for us in the ground. Sometimes we want that outcome of the seed so badly we become impatient. It takes time for the seed to grow into something beautiful. Many times in our lives the seed grows just a tiny bit. Only a small stem is emerged. We are so eager and impatient that we want to immediately pick that stem. God doesn't want to give us a stem. God wants to give us so much more. He wants to give us the flower. The real thing. Don't grow impatient. Wait for the Lord. He knows when the time is right.

Give me a heart to love everyone around me. Keep those people who are close to me dear to my heart. Let me be real. Transparent. No faking, no acting.

I don't know who reads this. But if you somehow read this or come across this. 

I hope you are encouraged. 

Don't lose heart. 

Don't be deceived by Satan. If you flee from Satan, Satan will surely flee from you. 

Keep one another accountable. Keep me accountable. Together we are a community and we just got to be there for one another. Carry each other's burdens. Help one another. Love one another.

Life is hard. Life is crappy. No one said it's going to be easy. 

However if there is a struggle. Don't be afraid. You are not alone.

Find someone you love, trust. Someone who has genuine care. Share your life, share your struggles. Don't go through hard times alone.

Trust in the Lord, He makes ALL things possible.

Sooner or Later...

it all comes crashing down :(

Well tonight was the end of IM flag football season. Signing off as captain of my team. We made it to the championship game and lost it. My bad...shoot. Bad play calling. But gotta give props to my team. Played hard throughout the season and got this far. Great season.

I realized that this season was more than just football. Being a captain meant that I was the leader. I didn't really understand what it really meant to be captain of a team since I guess this was my first time. I had to lead my team towards the right direction. That direction is winning. Yeah we won a few games and such but our ultimate goal was to win championship and get on the wall and get that cool T-shirt. I gotta say it really really sucks having this feeling of losing when you were so close. Dang. 

Last night before the game I thought quite a lot about my team. When being captain you don't really care about how much work you do. You are just doing whatever you can towards that one goal. I realized that I had to go through a captain's meeting, call the IM office, pay the fee, try changing the dates of two games but failing, getting on my bike at 2:45pm before every game and calling everyone to tell them to hurry up, making sure people are going to actually be at the game, make sure we had enough players, check the rainy day report, rush back from home home to make the game on time, tell people to wear a certain color and bring another color just in case, bring my football to the games, tell the team what to do in the huddle, pep talks, pump up the team, think of football plays during chemistry...and more!

Yeah the list may be long but I don't care! I'm definitely not bragging or anything but I'm just saying that there is so much responsibility and I don't mind that at all as long as we are winning and everyone is happy. Sorry for getting upset and yelling sometimes. But wow. Being a leader in general takes so much responsbility and I have so much to learn. I don't want to be just a leader over some football team but I want to be able to be a leader in general. Be able to put aside the nitty bitty details and just do stuff. Don't count the things like "Oh I did this already so you should do this" but just step up and be a leader. College is definitely a place to learn and to grow. 

Dang but this game meant a lot to my team. I know how badly they all wanted to win. Seeing the look in their eyes when the final seconds of the game were ticking down it just struck me. It's my fault. I failed to achieve the goal that we were all looking forward. Dang...shoot. Not sure how to express my feelings right now. Basically pretty darn bummed out. Ha

Losing something in general is hard. For me at least I just like to think about it. What it could have been and how things could be improved. What needs fixing and just look over the situation as a whole and try again. It is unfortunate that there are some situations where there are no second chances. But honestly what can you do? There are those things which are just out of your grasp so all you can honestly do is hope. Dang but don't give up shoot no matter however crazy the situation looks and you feel like throwing in the towel. Hang in there

a small addition because of certain events...

I just want to say I am sorry. I let my pride get in the way. I don't really realize the truth until I humble myself and take a step back and examine myself. It's not you it's me. I was wrong. I honestly need change

Super Sporty Sunday

So as of now every Sunday will be referred to Super Sporty Sunday for me. Why you may ask? Well let me go right ahead and explain that to you.
At 3 pm there is my Co Rec Resident Hall team for flag football which is comprised of only freshmen. We are 2-0! Yay! Super!
The weather in Davis is not very friendly because it can either be super hot or super cold and it so happens to be super hot on the days of football.
Let me give you an example. Today the temperature in Davis was around 90 degrees and 3 pm is the time when the sun is at the highest (actually I dont know). Just standing there, beads of sweat would descend from my salty and sticky face. I would then use my previously white shirt to wipe my brow. Now I have a new shirt. One wet with sweat and grass stained. You cant find one of these at your local store.
If you all do not know, I enjoy watching the Patriots. I like the Patriots. I like their quarterback, he is very super. I like the fact that he will be returning for the next season. I like the fact that they will win the Super Bowl. :)
My football team's name COINCIDENTALLY is called The Brady Bunch.
After this extravaganza of super fun there is an hour break where I like to get the super Trudy smoothies. They are not worth it but whatever.
At 5 o clock I then head on to Dairy Field where the cows roam free. Here is where soccer happens. I started out playing goalie. I thought I was pretty cool because during winter quarter I played goalie for a night and did pretty well during indoor soccer and I thought outdoor would be the same. Let me tell you one thing. It isnt. I have let 4 very not super goals past me and so I resigned from that position. If you, the reader does not know, I am not very great at running. Many people have teased the way I run. But that is not what I am talking about right now, I am talking about my endurance. I can't take running for a very long time.
Another example. One week ago I resigned from being goalie and then I played as a midfielder and then there was a breakaway. My teammate passed it to me and I went chasing after the ball as fast as I could. I gave it everything I got and could not catch up to it on time. After that little run I was done. I was panting so hard, my legs were aching and I found it extremely hard to breathe.
And then today some very exciting new IM sport season started. It is inner tube water polo. I am not playing in this but I went to go watch. It is some pretty darn funny stuff. You have to sit on one of those black tire tubes like you would sit on it when you cruise down that round water tube thing in Great America. And you play water polo like that. You can flip people over. It looks hecka funny becase there is so much splashing going on.
That concludes my sporty day. Yeah. It is only two sports that I play in but many other people do not participate in a sport or even exercise. So let me encourage you to do so, because if I can do it, you can do it too! :D

On a sad note, as I was riding back from the water polo game I braked pretty hard to avoid hitting someone who was biking in front of me and I was on a hill at this point. The nose of my bike kind of flipped up and then I fell of my bike. I scraped up my right leg and although it doesnt look that bad it really hurts. I hope I can still play sports.
I know what is the worst thing that happens after you get an injury. Do you? It is when you need to take a shower. It is painful. I had to use my hands to clamp my mouth shut and to kind of muffle my screaming while I was in the shower or else an RA would have come over and documented me.

This quarter seems so much harder than the past two quarters. Busier and harder.

Thank you for reading! If anyone reads this! Haha it is fun writing though. Its like a diary but instead it is online and it isnt secret. So if you somehow come across this blog and read it please leave a comment. Yeah. Do it. I have this little program where it tracks you down and knows if you visited my site and read my blog and knows how many minutes you spent on here. So you cant full me. With technology nowadays you can do anything. So dont make me have to go cyberhunting for you. No but seriously. Tell me whats up and how things are going back wherever you are. Sharing is caring. And I am just kidding about the whole program thing. I think it would be considered a crime because of legal reasons.

I would also like to try making a Peanut butter tuna sandwich and eat it.

Spring Already?

Wow! Spring Quarter is already here. And it is already Thursday! I remember when Spring Break just started I said that Spring Break is almost over, and people did not believe me but here we are now. Haha.

Walking around campus, I thought I was still in Winter Quarter. My freshmen year of college is almost over. There are less than 10 weeks left in dorm life. 146 swipes needed to be used by the end of the quarter.
2009 has been going by HECKA fast. It is already April.

Recap of Winter Quarter would be that it was pretty interesting. That about sums up that quarter.

Spring Break was ALSO very interesting. A lot of time to myself where I can just drive around in my car or play piano and guitar at home and etc...Found out a lot about myself and found out likes and dislikes. Had many interesting discoveries! But I must say that in terms of knowledge (not only referring to academics) I hardly know anything. There is so much to learn and Spring Break basically crammed a lot of ideas in my head that I am trying to understand and decipher. Wow. Crazy stuff. Many times I think about what is my purpose in life? What is my goal? I am here in school learning to do what? Get a job? Money? What's after that? Success? Fame? What comes after all that? There has to be more to this life. Super confused and still trying to figure out myself.

In Him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will... Ephesians 1:11

I am thankful for my friends and family who are pretty darn encouraging and helpful. Props to Marc Chew dude. Super late night conversations about life and then going on facebook and discovering many interesting things and laughing quite a bit. So I just want to be able to be as hospitable and caring and loving as my family and friends who gave up their time just to listen and talk. So feel free to whoever reads this to call me up anytime or facebook me or email me if you want to talk whether you have something to be thankful for or you or confused or you just want to talk. I dont believe I have any answers but life is a journey and we are still so young but I am willing to listen and help carry your burdens alongside with you. Also if you want to hear about my Spring Break feel free to ask as it was pretty eye opening and some crazy stuff happened.

God loves me and you so I just want to be able to share that with everyone else. It is indeed hard though. I guess a goal for this quarter and beyond is to change my use of sarcasm and TRY not to hurt people with words even if it is a "just kidding". So keep me accountable. I want to try this new challenge thing where you challenge yourself this quarter and at the end you reflect upon the quarter and you see how far you have come. So that would be one of my friendly tips to you if you want to challenge yourself and see if you notice any change. Right now I honestly do not know what I am saying but that is cool. Maybe there are some old habits that you have and you know that they are not right but you are too scared to change them or dont know how to. I advise you to talk to someone and be accountability partners. Encourage one another and love one another. Hating is really easy but loving is really hard. I have learned that.

ANYWAYS! Life is crazy and unpredictable, you never know what is going to happen next. As I was driving back to Davis on Sunday night I witnesssed my first car accident. I was driving in the middle lane and a car was on my left hand side. He suddenly turned on his high beams and started speeding up. Then another car from the left lane cut me off and sped up to catch the other car. The second car then cut the first car off and the second car was trying to get past the other car but the first car was switching back and forth not allowing the first car to pass it. It was basically a race. The second car was swerving and trying to get past it and then unluckily it swerved out of control on the left and hit the concrete dvidier head on. It continued to slide with sparks everywhere and I was driving in the middle lane and the freeway is only three lanes and the cars butt was sticking out into the left most lane so I had to switch over to the right most lane. I was pretty scared and shocked. I have never seen anything like that before. I was shaking and repeatedly telling my brother that I was hecka scared and traumatized. Then I got hecka paranoid while driving thinking what if my car lost control. I prayed that the guy was safe and okay because obviously it wasnt a race between two friends because the other car just sped off.
ON MONDAY I almost died. As I was biking to class with Gabby I almost died. There is a street that we have to cross to get to the other side. It is very narrow and there are cars parked on both sides. So there so happened to be a SUV that was parked at the side where it blocked my view of the traffic coming on the left. I did not know there was a car coming so I biked onto the road. At the same time a car was coming from the left and it was going around like 10 to 15 mph. I saw it at that split second and pressed my brakes as hard as I could but they really suck so it doesnt slow down much. I almost run right in front of the car but luckily the car quickly swerves to the left and I miss it by very little. My heart was pumping like crazy and I was shocked. I almost died. Wow. I was like in disbelief while my good friend Gabby was just laughing...-__-
Which reminds me of another story of when I went snowboarding in 2008 in February at Sierra I almost died AGAIN. I did not know how to control myself on the board so there was a cliff and I fell off it and luckily there was enough powdery snow to catch my fall because down there were trees.

Well my point is, life is pretty fragile and I am pretty thankful that I am still here today.

For, "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever" 1 Peter 1:24-25

Which brings me to the point that I gotta find a solid foundation to stand on, to put my faith in because when life is over, and who knows when that is, what will I have to take with me and what will I have left and where will I go?

Count your blessings and be thankful for what you have around you. Pursue what you are looking for and humble yourself to take advice and yearn for a deeper understanding of life and its purpose.

Random thought, allergies in Davis really suck :(

God Bless you!

One Year has passed...

I remember the beginning of March 13th starting at 12:00 AM very clearly. I was sitting there at my desk doing Chemistry AP homework and reviewing for an upcoming test. I took a break and saw that the time was 12 AM so that meant it was a new day. I had this regular college application checking routine that I had set since it was that time of year where all the Seniors in high school would be freaking out about which colleges they got accepted into. I didn't expect much this night, it felt like a regular night just like the other previous days where the college website would say my application was still pending. Usually I check Davis first because that is the school to be at (listen up Senior's of '09) but this time I checked all the other schools. Nope. Nothing. Then I typed up all my sign in information for the UC Davis website and got my mouse ready to close the window because I knew that nothing would show up and up popped this website I have never seen before. "Huh?" There was a picture of a bunch of students wearing UC Davis T-shirts with their mouths open and hands up cheering for something. It read Congratulations! You have been accepted to UC Davis in the department of Biological Sciences. In my mind I was like holy crap. I made sure this was legit and it wasn't some fluke. I logged off and logged back in again to make sure it was under Jason Tang not someone elses name. And there it was, a UC Davis acceptance for me. I went running to my parents room to tell them about it. They were freaking out because they didn't know what was going on so they thought I was in trouble or someone was breaking into the house. They were excited for me and they went to sleep. Haha.

I went back to my room and started talking to Meher. Here is my chat with him. I censored out some of the words because of his explicit language use.

12:24 AM
me: omg

wow

guess what

Meher: wat

me: i got into DAVIS

omg!!

12:25 AM Meher: WAIT SERIOUSLY?

me: YEAH

Meher: F********* YEAHHHHHHHHhh

CONGRATSSSSSSSSS N****

are u being serious?

12:26 AM dont f*** with me

haha

me: no

12:27 AM im not joking

want me to print screen

and show you that shizz

Meher: no its OK

hahaha

did u get an email first

or were u just paranoid and checking

hahaha

me: no

everyday

Meher: u checked? hahahah

12:28 AM me: yeah

go check

12:29 AM Meher: OH S*** ME TOOOOOOo

me: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

DUDE

12:30 AM Meher: DUDEEEEEE BALLERRRRRRRr

12:31 AM me: tell your parents

12:33 AM Meher: I DID

they are hella happy

haha


What a glorious moment! I'll keep that in my memory forever, that was a pretty sweet night. Although Davis is not a big name like Berkeley, Yale, Harvard, and all those other Ivy League schools; I was able to feel really good about myself after this because my high school academic career was pretty darn crappy until I had to step it up last minute where I was luckily able to slide.

Who would have thought that one year from that day I would be here sitting at my desk in my dorm room in UC Davis typing up a blog reminding me of the day I got in? There are many things we don't know that are happening in the future but it is coming for us nevertheless.

Yeah I have to admit that the future is indeed scary, no one knows what is going to happen next. Who knows whether or not there will be a tomorrow? Where will I be a year from today? How about ten years from today? I look around myself and see the things I am surrounded with and wonder how did things end up this way?

I believe you should hold on to those good things you have and never let them go. Keep your loved ones and good friends close to your heart. Don't let a memorable moment pass by you because later on you may end up regretting it. Attempt to not take things for granted, it's hard I know. Don't worry about the future, it is unexpected. Take each day at a time and things will unfold by themselves.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.