Retreat was from the 15th of July to the 18th. Quite a while back. I was planning on writing about it way earlier because the details were fresh in my mind but I decided that who cares about the details anyways? Lets see what actually stuck to me and has a lasting influence.
The speaker was some dude who actually has his church over here in Cupertino. He shared his life story and it has been a pretty crazy journey for him. Death of two of his children, and other crazy stuff that I don't remember. He also shared how expressing yourselves to God through a poem is a unique and intimate way of talking to God. Just like how King David was able to relate and tell God his sufferings, joys and whatever was going on through poems as seen in the book of Psalms.
So what I thought about this whole poem thing? Well first to be honest I was super tired during the sermons as I would struggle to keep my eyes open. I have been feeling very tired lately even though I have decent hours of sleep. Maybe I have a sickness. Uh Oh. But anyways, I had no idea how to write this poem but I thought I had something on my mind that I could be able to express through poetry. However I tried to avoid this as much as possible.
So there is this annual basketball tournament that we have where it is 3 on 3 basketball. Me and two small wimpy dudes were a team but we won. It was because I was dunking. Haha just kidddddddding. No but seriously we did win the tournament. Afterwards it was basically time to write our poems. I did not want to do this. So I wandered around and remembered that there was a blood drive going on. I went to go check it out to waste a bit of time. Some people there pressured me in giving blood so I signed myself up. At first I was pretty darn scared. I remember Michael Scott passing out and waking up to only find a glove but they do give out free cookies! But I filled up that little blood bag super fast and I found out that I have good veins and awesome hemoglobin levels!
There came the first time to share poems. I did not even start. I thought I could write one during the sharing of the other poems but I was wrong. The other poems were so heartfelt and pretty darn emotional. It was crazy. Then came the next morning. This was when I got scared because I seriously thought that EVERYONE had to share their poem and I had nothing so I had to frantically write one. I started it during my devotion time. I didn't rush in to it because I had no idea what to write about but I calmed myself down and prayed. Although there may be pain and sorrow in life but God fills my life with joy and happiness. I wrote a pretty sadness filled 3/4 of the poem but the rest was to say that there is hope that comes from God. Can you believe it? I wrote the majority of my poem during worship time. Haha. When it came time to share the poems with the whole congregation I was pretty unsure at first. I thought to myself, why would I want to share? Nothing special about it, it is just something from me to God. No one needs to know about it. Well something inside of me told me to share so I did. People who went before and after me had really emotional ones and it was just very emotional in that room with people crying and things like that. I didn't cry though. I also didn't cry when sharing my poem. But what I felt when sharing it was something inside of me that was kind of making me want to cry. But I had to slightly sway side to side and keep on reading. I didn't want to. I felt like I have gone through this for so long that my emotions are just dead from it. When finished I just sat down and I felt free. Free that I was able to share to the congregation about my struggles and burden that they were able to hear it and just the fact of them knowing is already so comforting. We are one big body of Christ and one united fellowship. Hearing other people and seeing their faith and struggles was encouraging and humbling.
If you want to read my poem I would be happy to share it. Just mention it and I can send it to you. I don't want to post it up publicly because well...just ask.
That was then. How about now? Things change. I did not think things would change so fast. Or new things would come into my life which are unexpected. I feel like I am even more super confused now then I was before but thats okay. No matter how hard it is there is a future planned for me. A hope. God I trust in. Better things are planned for me through good intentions not to harm me. I may not see situations as purposeful and neither may others. But have faith.
I thought of a metaphor of being confused.
I am a pokemon and drowsy just confused me. Hahaha. Wow.
But seriously. This world is filled with so many broken people. Some hide it well. Some don't. Some talk it out. Some keep it inside of them. Some cry. Some smile.
A wise friend once told me but I will put it in simpler terms.
For these people who are hurt, are in sorrow, are in pain. Just listen and love them.
My heart goes out for you. Hearing what you say has broken my heart. Sadness fills your eyes as enthusiasm in your voice has gone. What can I say in response? What do I do to cheer you up? I can't think of anything. I breathe deeply and can't even imagine what may be running in your mind. Who can heal the broken? Who can give strength to the weary? Not I. Leave this job to a healer, leave it to the strong. Who on this world fits these? No one. Who cares about the pain that you experience through life? Why do people always seem to let us down? How come those who said they would always be there for us disappoint and abandon us? What do I do now with my life? Where do I look for comfort? WHO LOVES ME?
Fix your eyes upon the cross and marvel at the wondrous love.
Timothy Fong is a...
13 years ago
