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Here I am writing a blog at about 7:50 am in the morning. 

The reason? I don't know. 

I just was not able to sleep. Not sure why. 

There I was lying in bed and trying to sleep but I do not know if the rest of you guys have this feeling where you know you just can't fall asleep. So instead I just got out of bed. This is at around 6 am. I tried to go to sleep at 4. So when I got out of bed I was hungry. I proceeded to go make rice.

While waiting for my rice to cook I went to go read The Bible. I honestly have not read it by myself in a very long time. But dude life is not going all goody goody and perfect. Not even near that at all. But a good friend of mine is willing to spend late nights and just talk. He also shared with me verses. I must honestly admit that The Bible is so complex yet so simple at the same time. 

The Bible is truth. The Bible encourages. I pray that it will be a habit of mine. Not just some book to turn to when I'm feeling needy or down, but just a source of knowledge that I look towards to daily as spiritual food. 

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" Psalm 119:105

I also pray that God will satisfy my spiritual hunger and thirst. God I'm desperate for you. I'm nothing without you. Although as hard as it may seem to believe that He indeed has a plan for me because He knows best. I am foolish. I don't know anything. What I want is not always right. Let me not long for these temporary worldly things but let me desire what means so much more. Let me strive for those things more precious than gold and silver.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" Matthew 16:26

God, I wish that you will lead me. Let me not compare my life with other people. God I pray that you will lead the way. Let the end of the finish line be you. You are my ultimate goal. Help me find a way to achieve that precious relationship you allow us to obtain.

God, as hard as life seems do not let me grow weary. I know you are there when we are at our lowest points. Although hard to believe sometimes and sometimes getting the feeling that You aren't even there, give me faith and give me trust. Your love never fails. God through the hard times you are teaching me something. Let this struggle that I am going through right now be meaningful and bless not only me but the other people around me. And when you heal my heart let me be a living testimony of your glory. 

Like you say in Romans 5:3-4 that our sufferings produce perseverance and with that comes character and with character comes hope. God give me hope. Hope in you Lord. Not the world. Let me look beyond worldly things and look on towards you. It is so difficult. No lie.

God let me persevere. Give me hope. I will wait. Just wait. God has His ultimate plan.

John Waller - While I'm Waiting

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

Let me not revolve my life around such. Instead let me revolve my life around you God. God you know my true heart's desires. You don't want good in my life. You want GREAT in my life. Don't let me settle. Give me patience. 

A friend once told me this analogy.

For everything that we desire there is a seed. God knows our heart's desires. God plants that seed for us in the ground. Sometimes we want that outcome of the seed so badly we become impatient. It takes time for the seed to grow into something beautiful. Many times in our lives the seed grows just a tiny bit. Only a small stem is emerged. We are so eager and impatient that we want to immediately pick that stem. God doesn't want to give us a stem. God wants to give us so much more. He wants to give us the flower. The real thing. Don't grow impatient. Wait for the Lord. He knows when the time is right.

Give me a heart to love everyone around me. Keep those people who are close to me dear to my heart. Let me be real. Transparent. No faking, no acting.

I don't know who reads this. But if you somehow read this or come across this. 

I hope you are encouraged. 

Don't lose heart. 

Don't be deceived by Satan. If you flee from Satan, Satan will surely flee from you. 

Keep one another accountable. Keep me accountable. Together we are a community and we just got to be there for one another. Carry each other's burdens. Help one another. Love one another.

Life is hard. Life is crappy. No one said it's going to be easy. 

However if there is a struggle. Don't be afraid. You are not alone.

Find someone you love, trust. Someone who has genuine care. Share your life, share your struggles. Don't go through hard times alone.

Trust in the Lord, He makes ALL things possible.